


You Give Me Cause for Love That I Can't Hide

by JannP



Category: Veronica Mars (Movie 2014), Veronica Mars (TV), Veronica Mars - All Media Types
Genre: F/M, Long-Distance Relationship, Love, Navy Logan
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-28
Updated: 2016-03-28
Packaged: 2018-05-29 15:39:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,678
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6382399
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JannP/pseuds/JannP
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>She'd made her decisions with her eyes wide open- all of them. Of course, Logan is pretty easy to look at and pretty easy to choose, so there's that. Veronica's first run-in with Piz post-movie. Movie/Thousand Dollar/Mr. Kiss and Tell compliant. One shot.</p>
            </blockquote>





	You Give Me Cause for Love That I Can't Hide

**You Give Me Cause For Love That I Can't Hide**

_Five months, sixteen days, and twenty-one hours_.

That was how long she had lasted, on her own, during Logan's latest deployment.

_Fourteen days, nine hours._

That was how long it had been since they had any contact.

It was getting easier.

For someone who was always so pushy, anxious for accurate information, saying it was easier now was saying a lot for her. They had both come a long way since the _need to help you/you don't need my help_ breakup at Hearst.

Now she went about her daily spying, investigating, schmoozing, and fact-finding in spite of the fact she hadn't heard from her partner in way too long. In this case, though, no news was good news. She was officially Logan's emergency contact with the Navy, by way of allowing him to relist his residence as her apartment instead of Dick's house, so she'd know if there was bad news. No news was neutral, a setting she'd been previously unaware she could possess on an emotional level. The change in guard had been one of their compromises before he left for his fourth tour since their reunion. This setup was working for them, though. No one else fully understood how it could, but they didn't need to. Veronica had always been told she was distant, kept too much to herself, spent too long on her own. She had a little balance now between her need to do those things and Logan's need to be overprotective. They'd finally struck their balance between not enough and too much. It kind of sucked that he had to be thousands of miles away to strike that balance, but nothing about his job had anything to do with her. This way, nothing about her job really had much to do with him, either.

It didn't work for traditional relationship goals and she knew that. She'd never been the girl who wanted a beautiful wedding and a happy homemaker life, though. Thanks to her parents' turbulent history and eventual divorce, combined with the shades of infidelity and lying she had witnessed mostly through a camera lens, she didn't believe beautiful and perfect existed together. The tableau was mostly false. Beauty was in the unexpected and perfect was subjective at best and a total sham at worse. What she had with Logan now was unexpected. That didn't mean it was always beautiful, because they both had some really ugly issues to deal with. It wasn't perfect, either, but it was functional. That was way more important to her. She knew Logan agreed.

The other traditional relationship experience they were missing this way was having and raising a family. Neither of them were too old to do it by any means, but after the conversation where he'd told her the Navy had saved his life, she wasn't going to ask him to leave it. She would probably even, surprisingly, lobby against it unless he was certain he wanted to retire. There was no way in hell she was having kids with someone who would be gone for six of every eight months. She was shaky overall on parenting, especially with their joint colorful history involving abuse, alcoholism, and pathological lying. She obviously didn't think the grown-up Logan, with his more properly channeled feelings and actions, would be a threat to any child they had. Her history was actually the more nebulous factor, and it made her nervous. She hadn't forgotten he had a history of alcohol abuse himself, or that Lynn Echolls had probably been an alcoholic as well. It was something to consider and she wasn't going to do it with a minimally present partner to help. It wouldn't be fair to any of them to do so, and she knew that with clarity because her dad had become a single parent before her eyes as a result of her mother's issues.

She probably had it better than Logan did in that respect because at least she had someone to be her hero, to be stable for her. She'd come to have a somewhat tenuous relationship with Lianne. Hell, at least she had the option. Logan didn't. Maybe that was better. Still, though, most people probably thought it was Logan she'd stayed for. It was actually her dad. She could wait for Logan anywhere and he was gone most of the time anyway. No, she stayed for her dad because he would have done no less for her in a time of total crisis. He had a small network and she felt like she was pretty critical to it- or she wanted to be. She'd left for selfish reasons and goals. Coming home was only partially altruistic, though. She stayed for herself because she had more of a support system in Neptune than she'd ever built in New York. Despite her reluctance to admit she needed that, she did. Once she was home and immersed in their lives, as they became in hers, staying wasn't even a decision. It was a must because she needed them.

The cases, the vindication of helping Grace Manning and helping her mom pick up pieces of a life that had been built funded by Veronica's college fund... they were just added bonuses. If only they were the kind of bonuses that would pay off her school debt. Anyway.

While she needed a select few people, all Logan needed in life was _someone_ to stay true to him even when he couldn't do it himself. That was easy as it turned out. He was easy to believe in and stay true to, at least for her, simply because he was him. Sometimes she got lonely, sure, and sometimes she wanted to talk to him and couldn't. That didn't mean she didn't trust him or she lost faith in him. She had a drafts box full of emails, Post-It note-style reminders about things she wanted him to be involved in when she could talk to him. Mostly, though, she failed. Those drafted emails would wait until he, his effete white uniform, and his charming Farsi-speaking Rosetta Stone software were back in Pacific Standard Time. Realistically, she'd talk to him about any of that after at least two weeks of time to reconnect without discussing details other than relief and appreciation, after he'd worn Pony out on the beach and come back for more appreciation a couple times.

She'd never been someone who appreciated simple things, but she'd become that person under the care of some time back home with Logan and her dad, Wallace and Mac. She appreciated the people she loved being happy, healthy, and whole.

Appreciation was part of the reason she kept track of their countdowns the way she did. Most found it less hopeful, but to her it was more appreciative. She was grateful she'd seen him five months, sixteen days, and twenty-one hours ago. She was grateful she'd Skyped with him fourteen days and nine hours ago. She appreciated being the one he would come home to. She wasn't hopeful enough to turn it into a countdown. Too many things could happen that would delay his return, his email, his call, or worse. Rather than turning herself into a nervous wreck, she turned herself into a survivor with a little gratitude. Logan understood, because he always seemed to understand her. Logan liked the "survivor" aspect of it because, as easy as the conversation could be, their situation required perseverance and always had. They had both grown up, or at least survived Lily's death and their families' respective demises in high school, with a lot of grit and getting tough. They could do it with these issues too, because this time survival was sweet. Time together was their reward. At least this time came with rewards.

That was enough of a happy ending in Veronica's book. So they counted up, with gratitude. They didn't look down.

She pulled herself out of those thoughts. Though she didn't track exact numbers, something about Logan's return countdown being in double digits, measured in weeks instead of months, made her think of it all more often. It was distracting. Good thing her caseload was light at the moment. It was light enough her dad was taking up golf.

Really, Wallace's wedding weekend was making her think of Logan almost non-stop. When the 'save the dates' had happened before Logan's last deployment date was scheduled, she'd dared to hope for a moment she wouldn't have to put on her survivor face for the wedding. No such luck.

When Wallace had looked at her apologetically as she logged her ex-boyfriend as 'confirm plus zero', same as her, the new plan had become a game face crafted by DeLoach. It was a coincidence that was the bride's choice for wine. Really.

The fact that Wallace was marrying Leo D'Amato's little sister made her want to double down, even with red, red wine. It was like an ex-boyfriend convention for her and it was probably no coincidence she'd left them both for a certain sailor who wouldn't be in attendance.

Leo was great. Leo had worked with her on a few cases, including their weekend in Vegas, and she'd thought many times over how easy it could be to date him. They'd barely gotten started when she had started exploring a relationship with Logan. Even then, the comfort and ease of Leo had been very foreign and plausible for her. The problem was Logan had blown through all that stability and safety like the hurricane he tended to be in every part of his life. She'd never been the same afterward. Nothing else really compared to what she had with Logan, and she was admittedly a thrill seeker. She needed edgy, unpredictable, and thrilling more than she needed sweet and stable. Even though she and Logan had settled into healthier routines, individually and together, their relationship still had an edge to it. She never knew exactly what to expect from him, other than unwavering love and well-informed support. He demanded full access to her, but in return and maybe as a result, he had learned when to push and when to pull. Veronica wasn't sure Leo could handle her the same ways. In fact, she was more sure the easygoing guy needed an easier girl, and not because he wasn't charming and capable of getting into someone's pants. Veronica was full of surprises that often required creative problem solving and Logan, as a complicated person himself, was the most creative man she'd ever met. He had some _great_ strategies for calming her down.

She may have been a survivor, but thinking too much about sex when her partner was deployed was a road she wasn't particularly keen to walk down. Again. She'd save it for her drafts folder-and flag it. That was important stuff.

It was less than ideal her thoughts had wandered _there_ around the same time Mac had brought Piz into the office.

"Sorry!" Mac called before Veronica could protest. "I forgot the microphones we need for the toasts and speeches and I didn't think you'd be here!"

It was just as well. Veronica wasn't sure if she would've even bothered to protest. It was a little late for that, which left her debating the next course of action. She'd never been one of those people who could fake exuberance if it weren't related to a case. She was an excellent liar, but for a handful of people, her effort was wasted. They tended to see through her. After all this time, there was still something about Piz that earned her honesty. Probably the year plus she'd spent being at least two-thirds honest with him.

 _Okay, fine. Half honest_. Somewhere inside herself, she'd always known he was more of a Leo, _and not diCaprio_.

He was in the category of men who were too undamaged to be with her. It had just taken her too long to learn opposites didn't always attract and stick. Functionality equalled commonality, at least to a degree. She and Logan were more alike than she'd actually wanted to believe, because the symptoms of their individual issues were different. That didn't mean the issues weren't similar, and that was one thing someone like Leo or Piz couldn't understand. They could try to cope or gloss over it, but it would just wear them out in the end.

Anyway, faking it wasn't the key to making it in this instance. Even her lacking social skills knew that. She stood up and walked out into the main area of Mars Investigations. Mac was already standing in front of an open drawer with a mic pack in each hand.

"Can't figure out how the legit ones work?" Veronica teased her.

"No, I'm just trying to decide which one will be strong enough for you. You keep getting into fights and shot at wearing them. My options are limited."

"You get into _one_ gunfight at the OK corral..." Veronica drawled. She leaned against the door frame for a second, her affection for Mac making her forget she was supposed to be uncomfortable. "Hello, Piz."

Piz actually looked uncomfortable enough for the both of them. "Hey, Veronica," he responded in a voice that would've made her feel like she was at home once. But not really. She noticed the absence of that feeling more now because Logan's voice...

The count-up wasn't doing her any favors. _Damn his sexually magnetic velvet bedroom voice._

"Letting Mac show you the sights, huh?" She teased. "Make sure you get to visit the 09er. It's a treat."

Mac groaned and spoke before Piz could respond. "Let's not and say we did."

"Do we have to say we did?" Veronica protested. To his credit, when Piz chuckled, it almost sounded sincere. "Seriously though, welcome back to Neptune. Have you been here since..."

There really wasn't a great way to finish that sentence, was there?

_Since you left me here against your better judgement? Since you left here single and not knowing it? Since I didn't have the courage to break up with you at all, let alone in person?_

"Ah, no. I haven't really had a reason to come back since," he said. He shoved his hands in his pockets and maintained eye contact.

Veronica just nodded. "Well a wedding is as good a reason as any," she said lightly. Some small part of her wondered if he was eyeballing her as closely as he was to catch sight of a tell-tale ring on her third digit.

Sue her, she'd glanced at his hands before he ever said a word and had noted the blank left ring finger. Why did she think it might make her feel more at ease to know he was married, or at least committed enough to wear a ring? Ultimately, she supposed, it came down to the fact he was a Leo - those uncomplicated people deserved happiness, or deserved to get what they wanted. Veronica knew Piz wanted to get married, have children, and perpetuate the species with more uncomplicated, unmessy people. Maybe her solace would have come in knowing he didn't want or need it with her the same way she didn't want or need it with him. She suspected part of him was holding out hope. It was probably a perpetually hopeful and sunshiney part she'd never really liked all that much. That's why she didn't deserve him and he couldn't have her. He had that part; hers was coated in a dusty layer of realism and speckled with bits of cynicism. Even when she dusted it off from time to time, it didn't shine quite the same. That's the way it was once something started to tarnish.

"I guess that depends on whose wedding it is," he said. He didn't press his hands any further into his pockets, instead working his tension out by gritting his teeth.

 _Fine. There was some bite to his sunshine. Maybe she'd given him some tarnish._ Instead of being attractive on him, though, it was a little annoying. And she maybe felt a small bite of guilt.

"Of course," she said. "Wallace is the only one I see putting a ring on it, though, so you're safe for this outing." She pushed off from the wall as she caught Mac's vaguely horrified glance in her direction.

"I thought Logan would've wrapped you up as soon as possible," Piz said bravely. "I tried to."

Somewhere, at some point, Veronica had probably owed him an explanation. He'd never really allowed one and she'd never really been able to offer it. Still, that time had passed. She was sorry for the ways she'd hurt him by not being what she said, what she thought she'd wanted to be, but she couldn't take it back. More importantly, she didn't want to take it back. She'd made her decisions with her eyes wide open- all of them.

Veronica nodded. "Logan knows I'm not the marrying kind," she said. It wasn't a competition. She felt her nose wrinkle against her will. "You know I stayed because of my dad."

"Your dad is fine," Piz said, his eyes darting to Mac. He was clearly in over his head. Was he looking for some sort of sign that Veronica was trekking back to New York, even though it had been three years since she'd left without looking back? Looking for backup from Mac, who was probably Veronica's best friend and knew all the ins-and-outs of the mess?

"I stayed for him," she continued with an even tone, "but I'm with Logan."

"Then where is he?"

Veronica smiled a little as the words came out of her mouth without thought. "It doesn't matter where he is or I am, I'm with him."

"And it'll probably get you killed," he bit back. Veronica didn't take her gaze off him, but she could feel the way Mac was looking back and forth between she and Piz. It was about time for her to make an uncomfortable joke because even that would be better than their current emotional climate.

"Nah," she said. She swung her arms out in a one-two boxing gesture that was probably more hilarious than intimidating, due to her small stature alone. The bouncing blonde curls probably didn't help with the 'tough' factor any more than pigtails had helped when her hair was short and she was younger. "I've been taking kickboxing classes. I've got a mean right cross and an attitude problem. Haven't you heard?"

Piz watched her reluctantly, raising an eyebrow and barely keeping his grin on lock.

Mac, on the other hand, did not. She snorted out a graceless laugh that bent her over slightly from the force of its mirth. Neither the snort nor her guffaw were quiet and, since she generally was, it startled both Veronica and Piz into laughter, too. The tension dissolved almost instantly.

"But seriously, you taking any kind of exercise class..." Mac managed. Veronica was just about to flip her off when Skype chimed from the laptop she'd had set up to pretend she was reorganizing case files. Now that she lived close to most everyone who had a hard-earned place in her heart, it only chimed for one person. She had a physical reaction to that sound these days.

It was acutely soft and squishy, but also kind of appropriate. Her smile was both things.

"On _that_ note..." Mac said. She had a different kind of physical reaction to the Skype sound, more of a flight than a fight. "I'm gonna make like a tree. Both of us are."

Veronica called out a quick goodbye as she hurried to her desk to accept Logan's call. She could hear Piz asking what the hell that even meant as Mac unceremoniously probably pushed him out the door.

Not that Veronica cared. There was an Internet connection with her name on it and Logan on the other end.

"Hi," he said. "Did my ringtone make you blush like that? I tried to keep the naughty bits covered."

She pressed her hands to her cheeks. They were warm. She couldn't say if it was from laughing with Mac or from knowing who would be on the other end of the accept button.

"Crap. Your dad isn't there, is he?" He added once he realized where she was and what he'd just said.

His surroundings were completely unfamiliar to her. He had mentioned some missions ashore in rural enough areas he didn't think he'd be in contact until afterward. That was the only reason she hadn't gone completely comatose during two weeks of radio silence. It was way easier to make a joke than to admit to everything she'd been thinking, and it helped her avoid choking on the acute relief of seeing him, safe and sound.

She laughed. "No. There's only you." And it was true- for her contacts list, her heart, her life. She probably didn't need to tell him that, though. "Is that a hotel room in your background or are you happy to see me, sailor?"

"It's both," he said. "We got here today and the Wi-Fi was ever in my favor." He playfully affected the accent from the Hunger Games movies she knew were one of about six things he had with for any entertainment, then snapped back into normal voice. "I know we didn't have any plans to talk but you were the only one I wanted."

"Likewise," she said. She settled in, never taking her eyes off his face. She didn't want to. God, it was so good to see him. "So tell me more about this room with a view."

 _Five months, sixteen days, and twenty-one hours_.

That's how long it had been since he was next to her.

_T-minus-zero._

That's how long it had been since she saw him.

_T-plus-decades, the span of continents, lives ruined, hopefully no bloodshed._

That's how long she'd stay true.

He made it pretty easy.


End file.
